thanks for being there. im sorry.

210407 Sat
this post is meant for yesterday, but some toot switched off the com. so yeah. i have to repeat everything again. only this time it will be shorter.
First of all, CONGRATULATIONS to all winners in the Interschool xc on wed and aquathlon today! Secondly, I would also like to say a BIG SORRY to the team, to all the supporters who came all the way to turf city, to mrq, mrt and msl, to all the seniors who ran the last four years, to my friends, and most of all to RJC. sorry for screwing up in THE race. sorry for letting all the seniors down, after four years of championship title. sorry for wasting all the supporters' time, and sorry for letting mrq,mrt and msl down. im sorry.
its like OVER?! already?! four months ago it seemed such a long time more. then it became three months then two then ONE! then 3 more weeks! then two! then one! omg. its so fast. soon we were counting down the days. (i guess this is the part i should delete?)
then on the day itself, i woke up thinking," OMG! its TODAY?!!" time passed sooo slowly in school. like was counting the hours. then we reached the race site. was counting down the minutes. like wth. at the start point was thinking," 20mins and it will be OVER!" and after i realised i was going to race the race that meant so much to us i was like," its NOW?! omg. its NOW!" but i didnt feel ready. so not. it felt as if i was going to do an easy run, except that there was just abit more stress. i just couldnt put stress on myself that day.(i thrive under pressure. HAHAAHA) i kept on telling myself that this was THE race we've all been trng so hard for, and i cant let our seniors ,mrq and the rj supporters down.
but when the race started, i just couldnt push myself. I couldnt! like wth. this is a RACE man! i ended the race so full of regret. but its over now right. theres nothing i can do bout it anymore. ok. to cut it short, there were a few incidences which made me cry after that. 1) realised that i didnt do my best 2)when i saw the seniors walking toward us and i knew i've let them down 3)when i saw km.(he is a nice guy, and always asks how were our runs.)that day i just didnt want to tell him. 4) when mr q shook our hands (was controlling badly. didnt dare to look into his eyes) started crying when i turned ard. 5) when i saw our cross team including the guys. 6)when i saw mrt come down the stairs. (i couldnt take it anymore. i pulled nic to the toilet with me) 7)when the seniors came to see us. (this time i took the jacket to cover my face). 8) when km put his arms ard me.(i just let it all out lah)
(and maybe this too?) I told myself not to cry. that i couldnt.(hmm. this too?) but i just couldnt control anymore. its like, we really disappointed mr q. but he shook our hands anyway. i just couldnt take it. i wished he would just scold me like there was no tmr. then at least i would feel better. but nooo.. he smiled! and shook our hands. great. just great.
yeah. that many times. hahaha. alvin says im emo. IM NOT okay! its only that freakin day luh! hahaha! oh yeah. i wanna thank all the supporters and frens esp yujie for coming down all the way here. sorry for wasting your time. ):


sorry rjc.



you know we cant be together;
pls stop trying.