do you still pop by my blog? coz i do visit your blog sometimes.
im not even sure if its me you're mentioning in your blog.
let me know in some way please.

i need to get out and do smth different sometime.
cant just be working, going home, and wtv routine stuff i usually do.
hence girls night out with b1 and b3 to club.
AND HEY.
just coz i went club twice doesnt mean im a friggin clubber.
so dont judge. i havent become naughtier.
okok. i write here. so dont ask me out to club or wtv ok.
i am not going clubbing again.
shall just blast loud music at home and dance alone if i ever feel like it.

anw. mum's out to run 84km sundown marathon.
i think she abit siaosiao hahah.
then daddy dont want pick me up from work so i can accompany my mum run for a part of the race. so here i am. stonning and blogging.zz

slow run with tiff and drey at macr.
omg. i woke up aching all over man.
this shows how long ive not ran lahhh. crap.
please ask me out to run when you're free ok girls? haaha. hopefully im free that day too.

ok what to do now?
huh huh.
im still lost. tralala.
happy life.
seriously fei thinks im leading a happy life.
wish it were true lah huh.

friends tell me to cont praying and not giving up.
but hey! im not giving up! i cant do a friggin thing man. whats there to give up.
ohh... give up hoping? whats the point. its not like i have the luxury of choice. so whatever's thrown at me, i'll just take it. and yeah. pray that God leads me.
when there's nth we can do abt it, pray lo..

OMG!!!
ok waitwait. before i say why i said omg, i had only one reason actually! but once i came into blogger, so many things just came flooding into my head! and i need them to stop NOW! so i can slowly pick out what i want to type here!!!!
UGH.

okok. OMG
1. i found the song. like so randomly guessing the stupid title and just TADA! its right here. i almostalmost stopped it when the part i loved most started playing!!!!! OMGGGGGG!! there it is again!!!!!!!! whoo!

2. im kinda frustrated. coz FINE DINING ISNT DOING VERY WELL IS IT. sigh. okok thats life. curry redza (thats how i put his name on my phone) please dont let me down ok? thanks.

3. it is just not enough to blog my frustrations away. GRAHHH. go awayyyy pleassseeee...

4. antm rox my sox!!!

5. is a nice number (:

6. i dont know what im feeling right now. im happy i have curry. and im sad i sorta lost kha and my friends there, angry coz ppl dont know how to say NO and dragdragdrag until last minute before throwing all the shit at you, happy coz i know im loved, yet the feeling of being left alone lingers. i really dont know. confused child zzzz.

alrights i should stop blogging now and head to bed.
sigh.
im lost.

sorry if im easily irritated or start being really direct with you these few days. its just stuff thats going on in my life right now. im not being pms ok. so shut up abt that. i know i've shot at my 2 closest friends over the past 3 days. sorry darlings):

okok quick post. supp to pack stuff and sleep now. church tmr.

today. wasnt a very good day. coz. i didnt enjoy it much. like..DUH.zzz

and im not happy about being transferred to graze!!! but wtv lah. work is work.
ok. long day tmr. shall find my goggles then head to bed.
pray weather's good tmr.
swimmmm.

did you know.
the word "ANGRY" is forbidded in kha? HAHAHA.

lol weird stuff.
HAPPY WORKING!! and yet alot of us are grouchy coz of different stuff. so funny. hahaha.

wow. just watched 'awake'. cool show.
wah.. super heartpain. wont say anymore here lest i ruin the movie for you guys. so go watch it. forgot the site but go find it and stream it online anw.

it just gets on my nerve how you can be so bochap.
everyday as i go to work, or see restuarants ard sg i think about you and wonder if this place would pay you well, the distance from your home, bus fares, any direct bus etc. sometimes even going to the extent of telling you bout what i've found out and ask you to give it a shot. but you just dont seem to even bother.
ok maybe i care too much.
as (probably) a normal friend (to you) i guess i do lah huh.
even organising a simple lunch, run or wtv the 3 of us could do tgt is so difficult since both you of really dont seem to care much. or have other (better) plans.
you want to do thisthisthis. i'll do it. even if im running low on cash coz i just dont wanna be a spoilsport and spoil the fun, hindering the both of you from doing stuff you both wanna do. but obviously my effort to maintain this friendship is NOT noticed here la.
being too tired isnt a good enough excuse. esp after agreeing. im sorry that im being super direct here. but i just cant stand it anymore. do you even care about our friendship. sometimes i dont think so and it just makes me feel like im just wasting my time, energy and money.
you've disappointed me a few times but i've let it go and continued as per normal.
but today, everything just piled up on me. one after another.

the lack of appreciation. hahaha.
guess we all feel this way sometime or another.

if you need me, be nice to me.
if you dont need me, please feel free to throw me aside (:

oh and btw. i HATE ppl telling me that im living an easier live as compared to them. and saying.. at least you get to ___ i want to ___ but cant. just an example.
and also that im FREE. just coz i was kinda lucky this week. go. and. die.

ok. after all that complaining.
i just want to say that im still contented with the life im living right now. not awesome not exciting, but i get free food almost everyday from work(s), can earn money, place to sleep, have friends... ah.. its fine. im satisfied. very in fact. just dont do what irks me and we'll all be fine.

thanks.

OHHHHHHHH! ONE MORE THING.
please dont tell me... anything. you decide.
once, twice. sure, i will try my best to fit everyone in. but not ALL THE TIME. its tiring having to please everybody.
er just wondering... is the psp just an escape from talking? or an escape from the awkwardness of having nothing to say?
you can tell me thru msn or sms or wtv. i just want to know.
esp after how you just played psp the whole of our little meet up session. outing which i considered a failure. probably should have watched a movie or smth since you weren't planning to talk to us much.

im ultra tired again today..
but wtv. live with it lah clar haha.
i suddenly feel like watching bleach until 2am again. spammm
whee
today was quite fun. like was the flyer girl for awhile then after work at 3, met drey to meet the curry guy then went finding icecream before her work at the same place at 5. and omg so retarded. clar is damn retarded. ahhhh!!!
the braz ppl are NOT supp to know audrey and i are actually friends.
then clar had to do smth dumb.

clar: *sees braz ppl shopping in shop* HIIII!!! *realises that drey was there too* OMG!!! *turns and runs away*
drey: HII!! *realises also and stunded*
braz ppl: *stun* hello!!
clar and drey:*runs off laughing like retards*

omg.... i hope jeffrey doesnt find out!! otherwise we cant work same shift!!

tmr. exciting.
braz. meet cq and shai novena. then to dhoby meet tiff and sis(s). then to holland v meet da.
tour de singapore. wahoo.

where got too much work? im so free lah.

braz was kinda exciting today. haha.
spent 1hr giving out flyers.
but was so tired from waking up early, i was quite sian the whole time even after work. until i started work at kha. hahha. i keep wondering.. what is it that makes the working environments so different. is it the english-speaking majority there or the emphasis of respect for one another and family-ness?
well anw.
i almost laughed till i died today.

sofian: morgan! rmb ah! dont close table 1 to 4!
morgan: then what about 3???
sofian: WTF i say 1 TO 4 not 1,2,4!!!!
morgan: then say so lah! say 1,2,3,4 what 1,2,4!
sofian: OMGGG!!! its 1 TO 4. come give me paper. i write for you.
morgan: or say 1 until 4 lah!
sofian: 1 until 4 is longer! see! 1 until 4. 1 to 4!
and blahblahblah. its like a real real convo. omg.

ok better sleep now. tmr must wake up early go braz. then meet curry guy. then read storybook finish before lib closes. who want go lib with me. HAHAHA.

every week i just look forward to saturdays. im just afraid that one day...i wont be able to look forward to it anymore. maybe it will happen. when school starts. im just hoping it wont come to that. please dont take my saturdays away from me. us.

i've never been so excited over a movie before.
like omg!!! its starting! AHHH!! excited.
angels and demons was really nice. like exciting nice. like grab on to your seats coz its so blardy exciting nice.
but i read the book before the movie and the movie wasnt that accurate.. like.. so many points missing. ok lah i shan't complain anymore bout the movie. it was reallyreally good. but its better to read the book first coz some things are better explained in the book haha.

movie hopped with da today. so fun. we watched ramen girl after that. could have watch star trek but we didnt like it. ramen girl was ok lah. not bad a movie. but better to watch online.

going 2 work tmr. 2 is just 2 ok. not 'to' and meeting with curry boss. woots. so fun. work my ass off. i like. $$$

alright. gonna watch bleach now. too lazy to get my butt off the chair to head for bed.

hello! back again.
was modifying my skirt/apron uniform.
clarissa tan's no.1 skirt rule since 2004 still applies even though its sort of an apron.
no skirt is to be longer than 2 inches above the knees.

modification complete.

i can now sleep in peace.
gotta wake up at 6plus tmr.
going nus to read book before meeting drey at novena for compulsory trng and then to hortpark for work at kha.


hmm... this recent incident made me think about thad more often than usual for the past few days. like... how he was when we were training together etc. all the funny incidents for example... crashing into him head on while doing 50m sprints from the opp ends of the pool(my fault).. cycling to mt faber for hills training... dont have much memories of him in school. for an obvious reason... sigh. its alr been more than 2 years. tiff and drey can still rmb me being retardedly happy, excited and hence retarded for some reason only we know, in the beginning of 07. heehee.

well. life goes on. i guess you're right.

just back from st looking like siaozhabo.
but. wtv. just glad its over. very.

ok goodnite.

ok. thought of sleeping but i shall read my book before i leave later.
a lil excited. hahah.
and im still pissed my student ezlink card was retained. HMPH.
suaysuay on the 1st may board the bus. totally ruined my day man.
how i know 30th apr student card expire.
damn sad i tell you.
just wrote in to transitlink.
i need my student card!!! otherwise how to have student price!! not only for buffet ok. for alotalot things! ):
sadddddd.

been too lazy to blog ever since the kelong trip.
i must say it was kinda exciting. haha. hey! i pee-ed straight into the sea man! and can see the fishes swimming where i pee-ed. HAHA. nice.
and fishing was um.. irritating. the flies were friggin flying all around me. bleah. so i had to move to fish near the pee-ing place. haha. the fish got so much to eat alr where will come bite the sotong. all the shit.
ok. overall the trip was fun. but a little stressful as well. you know... striking a balance is never easy. so yeah.
baking at tiff's house felt less stressful that day.

cookies were yummy.

ok. sorry. just received a bad news from tiff. not directly related to me. but its just kinda difficult to believe it. why. there are others out there who have had dreams yet to come true and will never be fulfilled. those who just want to live awhile longer to speak their last words to their loved ones but will never get the chance to. yet there are others who just think that life is too difficult to live... its just not fair. but i guess its a little too late to talk sense into you. sorry.

so much emo.
its just not fair.... *cries* it isnt. it isnt. ugh.

what is going on?!!!!!!!

going for some stupid interview tmr. and im just gonna leave my options open. so yeah. i'll turn up even if i dont want to.

me: so what can i do about tmr?
fatpooh: i dunno! you have to come tmr. that day you never come alr * not happy.you dont come somemore then (smthsmth i forgot)
me: but it was last minute. i only knew about it yesterday. how am i supposed to know that last week?
fatpooh: i dont care leh. then next time you dont talk much lah. dont even put schedule.
me: HA. dont put schedule? then let you scold me?
fatpooh: its your problem. its alr your last chance.
me: er. no? * says its first warning.
fatpooh: first warning is last chance lor.
me: HUH? that totally doesnt make sense. but whatever. i cant be bothered enough to argue with you. *walks out of the door*

SHE IS SO RIDICULOUS. i mean. its an interview leh. concerning my future. of coz it doesnt matter to you. so what if i pon it and work. like you'd care. i think you are just so... indifferent about everything. even customer's welfare. and you are the WHAT again? can i hear it loud and clear? you are a WHAT? no apologies man. i cant respect you. you dont even bloody respect your colleagues.

me: the customer says its too cold. can i increase the temp?
fatpooh: then ask the customer sit outside lah! cannot change temp one. its like that means like that. too bad lor.

me:(tries to point the aircon up)
fatpooh: cannot lah! later the aircon spoil. just let the customers (smth abt mind your own business and let the customers suffer. they want to eat here mah anw)

stun-ded.

anw. i ate dinner alone today haha. little buffet. planning my super packed schedule and reading book. not bad actually. for $6.30 im happy haha.

and i thought she looked veryvery familiar. who is that girl? it feels like i used to know her very well. it seems i was once her closest friend in class. i think we've baked together, laughed together, hugged, comforted each other, ate ice cream at island creamery together, studied together, celebrated birthdays together and so many other stuff in that 8months or so that will just be memories now. i saw her disappear into the shopping centre and continued staring on as memories filled my mind. i sighed as i looked away and know that all these will never be again.

but.
thats just life, isnt it.
ppl come in, make a difference be it in a good or bad way and go...

i really treasure the bananas. dont wanna make the same mistake i did of drifting away.

emo la, clar.