it has been a really awesome and exciting journey with you. a rollercoaster ride is quite an understatement of these few months. it's been so difficult, yet when we're together, everything seems so manageable. life seems so manageable. crap thrown at me doesnt feel so crappy. and i know that we can face this together and that you'll be there to stand up for me and protect me no matter what.
the only difficult thing for me to understand is how - the one person that can make you feel on the top of the world can also throw you all the way down into the deepest of valleys. one moment im grinning from ear to ear, and another, it feels like the world should just end there and then.
on new year's day, it finally hit me that, my expectations are all simply a summation of my past experience. this combination really makes it a challenge for me to settle for anything less. they tell me to never settle but are my expectations just too high? was what i've experienced just a honeymoon phase which we've already moved past from the situation we've been thrown into?
Sometimes i wish you'd just talk more to me. tell me what you're feeling without fearing that i'd be affected. i dont want us to be found in a catch-22 situation whereby you're afraid of telling me things, so you dont, and i find it difficult trust you because all i want is for you to open up to me.
i pray that one day you'll finally open up.
there's so much left to say but i just can't find it in myself to put it across coherently right now. it's all messed up in my head and i dont know where to start.
bottom line is that im really happy with you but there are many things we need to sort out before we take things any further. questions i need to answer: can you wait for him to open up? how long are you willing to wait? if he takes too long, can you live feeling horrible knowing he is not telling you everything? is he worth your wait?
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