that sentence hurts.

Don't even know why i actually bother to blog today. I am supposed to be studying now. Maybe its because I need to let my feelings out. maybe.

I just can't believe it. Of all people, WHY YOU? why?? If what you said had came from other people, i wouldn't mind, but YOU? It hurts ok? But NO, i am not going to cry. i wont. I was just behind her, alright? spare a thought for me, at least. Maybe if you did not add ,"...just like triathlon being easy for you." it wouldn't hurt me that much. I know you added that sentence because you saw me roll my eyes. yeah. i did that on purpose. it was to show you. its true. believe it. I know you know I was pissed. you're my godfather anyway. you should know how i feel. i've told you a few times. you did the same thing about four times in this one and a half years, hurting me. sure, she's happy about it. I AM NOT. thanks for trying to be nice, anyway. i know that added sentence was to prevent me from feeling out of place. unfortunately not. it hurts.

OH? WHY AM I COMPLAINING NOW? I've been through this more than a million times in one and a half years. why can't I last another half a year? Its only half a year more anyway. six months. and its all over. the hurt, the anger, the jealousy. i can't wait.

I see ME walking beside "me". no. you won't understand any of this. none of you will. not now, not ever. Its like a mirror. What ME likes, "me" likes. How ME walks, "me" walks. How ME talks, "me" talks. Even the way ME carries stuff, "me" does it the same way! Not that i mind or anything, I just see ME in "me". And so does the people around ME. the only different thing about the image and the object, is the brains. You make it seem so easy, a no-brainer, "oh, i just anyhow do one." and please, do not include the 'we' when you find something easy to do, and the others are having difficulty. just say, " I don't even need to think, can get answers, they keep on asking how to do." coz, you do not know if i had some trouble along the way before getting the right answers. >sorry. maybe we're just so close. (:

This is just how i felt for one and a half years already. six months is nothing to me now. just keep going. i can make it.i know i can.