i've got alot on my mind right now and i mean really alot! i dont know what to start thinking first. i feel i need dumbledore's pensieve to take out some thoughts for a little while and get back to them after i've settled the easier ones.

i dont even know how i feel right now.

why now? why two at the same time? for years you two made me feel like i dont mean a thing to you. and now both on the same day showed me that i actually meant something to you. its just... overwhelming.

1; thanks for that. i appreciate it. but i just dont know how to reply. well.. not just yet. i am not capable of such.. such.. well-phrased emails.. but i will get down to it when i've thought through what i wanted to say. i dont want to say the wrong things but for now, i know that the right thing to say would be.. sorry too for being an idiot 3 years ago. please give me some time.

2; never thought u would even think of me. thought you would be too busy with uni and everything else in your life. i wanted to reply you but see.. i've always been a listening ear to you(and still will be) but you never really made use of me much. you were my listening ear for awhile but it wasnt 'fair' if you didnt see me as a listening ear which is why i stopped. and true enough, you never bothered to let me be your listening ear. and im not so sure if you actually wanted to hear me.

work is omgnessly alot. i know there's alot more to come.
sigh.
thankful for bie who has been my constant support, who never fails to remind me of my one goal when i wanna give up. and its only been a week. yes. i went home crying. my grandma says im like a baby. im like.. weakkkkk ): no more motivation. thats what happens when i stop training proper. sigh. no direction no goal. immediate ones that is...