hanging there

knew it was coming.
knew it knew it knew it.
blardy hell.
didnt cry and am not going to.
now what should i do?
there wasnt a second chance.
and it was just like that.
nothing i say will change anything.
crying soo doesnt work.

dont know whether i should be happy or sad.
im sorry guys.
i know you were waiting.
hoping.
sorry lahh...
i'm sorry i cant do anything.
im so sorry.
i'll really really miss you all.
so so much. ):
i dont know how to express it here.
i just feel that i've let you all down.
sorry sorry sorry.
i really didnt want this too.
SORRRRYYYY...

dont know what else to do or say.
i'll just have to accept it.
this year, ive learnt that no matter how much you dont want to believe, how much you say ,"no. it cant be."
you'll still have to accept it.
move on.
and just trust God.
was feeling so... so... lost.
like " how am i going to face this? what am i going to do about it? why is this happening to me? it wasnt supposed to be like this."
i dont know who i can talk to. who will be willing to listen.
who will understand how i feel.
who will really care.
dont know.

in the bus, i just kept asking God," why?"
this verse came out.
" And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. " Rom 8:28
i just surrendered my life to Him. everything in my life. I just told Him to lead and guide me.
and that i'll do my best in whatever He wants me to do.
i just felt this sense of peace.
but when i was walking back, i started thinking again.
so what now?
what to choose?
it will never be the same again.
the atmosphere. the love. argh. everything!!
i really cant bear to say goodbye.
i hate goodbyes. )):

as i was sitting at home.
i asked God to give me a verse as I read the bible.
This really spoke to me.
"Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
2 When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.
3 For I am the Lord, your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior..." Isaiah 43:1-3
Thank You, Father.
I put my trust in You, Lord.

Take my life.
And all i have to give.
Take my world
Just inhabit all of it.
Take my dreams
Make me assuredly Yours.




will you listen?
will you even care?